For Death and Beyond
by jyj
Summary: KAITAKA: i said i would learn how to fly better than a bird to catch up to you if you left me, and you said that if i was a bird, if i was bird, then you were the sky.


{ **for death and beyond**  
by: orenjiismile

fyi,  
not even death can do us part. }

- - -

You died that day. Like falling butterfly wings. You were grinning widely at the top of the world and you thought that if you spread your wings you could fly away. You told me that if you learned to fly first, you would come back for me. And I said I would learn how to fly better than a bird to catch up to you if you left me, and you said that if I was a bird, _if I was bird_, then you were the sky.

- - -

You looked so sick that day, so sick, face pale and white and I sat next to you silent, silent unlike how I usually was. Rei came and he told me to go eat something, I said no, he insisted and dragged me off. You looked like you wanted to speak, but your voice was dry and quiet like, _how could you leave me_. I twisted away from Rei and kneeled down next to you again. I was so afraid you might slip through my fingers; _I stopped breathing so you wouldn't._

- - -

I think, his fingernails are always a little too long when he trails marks down my arms and it hurts. I never say anything though and instead I think about how you used to smile when I compared your eyes to ruby shards. I said that they glistened under the sunlight and you always laughed and said no. He pushes a little too hard and he never smiles, he mumbles many things that I don't catch. He says; _look at me_, so I do. He touches my hair, but he tugs too hard and I gasp. I see black and an explosion of fireworks behind my eyelids when he turns off the light. I feel nothing, but I can feel the drying blood spots on the bed sheets against my thighs.

- - -

You look like a snowman trapped in a snow globe. When I walk into your room it feels like I am watching you through different eyes. I want to go touch you, but I feel like there's a barrier in between us. I think that if I step too hard or move too fast, you'll crumble into the ground (just like when you shake the globe the snow falls).

_Takao_, you call my name. You're dead. I think. You don't look like you bundled underneath all those covers. Your hair is limp and you smell like the hospital. It looks like your heart has been wounded when I don't respond. You want to tell me how you feel but the words seem to die on your tongue.

- - -

He thinks you don't see the marks on my arms and neck so when he goes and gives you your medication you refuse it and push away his hand. _What's wrong Kai?_ He asks, worry knit in between eyebrows, _you need your medication._ You don't say anything, your eyes bleed crimson anger when you glance up at him and whisper, _I bet you wish I were dead._

(But I think you're already dead.)

- - -

I knew you had demanded Kenny give you back your Beyblade, mumbling nonsense and angry profanities (_fuck off, of course I can still battle!)_ because Kenny comes out worried, eyes puffy and red. He sounds like he has his spring allergies. I pretend to count the scratches on my arms. When I get to ten Max comes over and tells me that I have to go buy the groceries and pick up your medication. I say ok and I leave quietly. Your jacket is warm against my skin.

- - -

The label on your medication says three to four tablets every 4 hours for adults. I think it's a lie because you're dead. When I look at you I see a fallen butterfly. It's like pressing a butterfly in between a thick book to preserve it as long as possible. Rei says I should stay away from you because it's too traumatizing. I think the things he does to me is even worse.

(But I don't say that out loud, I whisper it into my pillow at night.)

- - -

You told me you thought I love you's are overrated and boring. You told me that if this were love, then we wouldn't need to parade it around just to justify it. I said I agree. But when I see you lying there, like you're dead, your eyes so empty when you look at me I say _I love you_, just in case. You look reassured. Rei comes in, eyes on the floor. He says, _here's your medication._ And when you say, _ok_, I think I see you live a little.

- - -

He says no and I say ok. He doesn't look at me. So I ask him if I can go back to sleep. He says no. I say ok. He looks at me like I'm dead. Like I'm a rag doll. He says, _why do you let me do this to you._ I say _I don't know_. He says, _you're crazy._I say no, _no I'm not crazy, I'm just dying._

- - -

I tell you I'm sick. You spring up from bed even though you look like you're going to shatter. You pat the spot next to you so I curl against you on the bed. You ruffle my hair and cough and you ask, _why are you sick._I say it's because you're dead so I have to die too. You look confused and you shake your head, _no I'm not dead._ But I say that if you weren't dead then you would teach me how to fly. You say nothing, so I say nothing. Then you say, _I'll be inside the one that holds you. And then I won't be._I ask what do you mean. And you merely ignore me, lips curving into a smile, like it's a big secret.

- - -

It happens when Max is humming some tune from the radio while he's washing the dishes. Kenny steps into your room and he screams loudly. We all freeze because in our heads we all know exactly what has happened. Everyone rushes into your room and they panic and yell and there's crying and someone calls an ambulance. I sit on the couch and I say nothing and stay quiet. I think you finally learned how to fly. I wonder if you'll come back for me.

- - -

Everyone is mad at me because they say that I act like I don't care. They say I'm too nonchalant about it all. They don't understand. He'll come back for us; I tell them like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Max slaps me. He's angry, and mad, growling, _one OUR best friends just died, how can you act like you don't care? This isn't a joke! He's part of OUR team!_I want to tell him that my lover died long ago, but I don't think they will believe me.

- - -

Rei throws me into your room. It's so cold in here. It's like you left your cocoon behind. Like you've blossomed into something even better. I think you don't need me anymore. He screeches at me, and I tell him that he can hit me if he wants to. The first punch hurts the most and then the ones that follow don't, at least not as much. When he leaves your room it feels like someone ripped open my chest and took away my soul. The bruises throb even though they aren't dark enough yet. I want to tear my skin off just so I can find a different me underneath. I crawl underneath your covers and giggle into the pillow, _I'm dead._

- - -

Beyblade (c) Takao Aoki**  
**Hoped you liked it dearies. 8D  
This fic was inspired by the lines:  
"_I stopped breathing so you wouldn't._"  
& "_be inside the one that holds you. And then I won't be."__  
_(from the book _Wasteland_ by **Francesca Lia Block**)  
which I have incorporated into the story.  
I DEMAND YOU READ THE BOOK!!!!  
(AS WELL AS A COMMENT? :9)

**REVISED: **March 29, 2010.  
FFFFFFFF...I really love this piece D:  
(even though I wrote it when I was 14 ;___;)  
But at the same time it's so frustrating because the grammar is so _ARGH_.  
Sigh. D:


End file.
